I inherited insanity

I was chatting with my favourite cousin A online and was telling him I had spent half the evening searching for the TV remote and my mom found it in the freezer where I must have left it because the ice cream was making a nasty puddle in the living room. 'Man I must be loosing my mind I told him'. 'Are you kidding me ?' he replied. ' We are kindred spirits, two weeks ago I left the dishes on the washing machine, thoughtfully stacked breakables and others.' Adding that up to my mother who has found a magic remedy for her sinusitus, she walks around now every night with something white smeared all over her eyes and nose giving her a striking resemblance to the Phantom of the opera. Man I think it runs in the family. I inherited insanity.

I had always known there was something amiss with my household. My sister has the brain to stand first in class right from grade 1 through 12 but when she was flying to London on a trip that she won in an oratorical competition, she almost missed the connecting flight because she thought the watches wind themselves up according to the time zones. My younger cousin is something of a mystery to all of us. She is quiet, which by itself is scary given that all of us are considering getting a second mouth because one cant keep up with our thoughts. She is petrified of lizards, so much so that she is recluse in her own house. Even when she has to go to the loo a swat team needs to clear the area before she will venture forth. Imagine her standing with her legs crossed while lizards were being chased out of all crevices.

My favourite cousin A, well he is a darling. But has this biological condition to fill up his bloodstream with sugar. I mean it has to be chronic because who eats idlis and gulab jamun? He out grew that of course but now he limits himself to a couple of pounds of mishti dhoi every other day. His grandmother, who has every ailment under the sun except diabetes competes youthfully with his appetite. I think it is a bonding thing. Gives them something to do together, fight over the last kaaju katli or stare ech other down across the dining table for the shrikand. I heard recently that she succumbed to diabetes as well. My cousin A is alone in his obsession now.

As for me,let me see, I talk in my sleep, just never enough hours in the day to talk I guess so I have to do it at night as well. I used to walk in my sleep, I dont think I do it anymore. Or if do I am covering my tracks very well. I name and talk to inanimate objects. Well not my spectacles and not my watch but my car, bike, bags and dictionary have their own names. I did name my computer but after upgrading him so much I really do not know if anything is left of the old him. He was Ritz for the record. Anyways I also have this morbid fear of losing all my hair in the front of my head. No where else, just the front portion above my right eye brow. I take special care to oil the portion and condition it after shampooing etc. I would talk to it as well but I think the rest of my body would feel neglected. And I get high on iced water or lemon juice. I know what you are thinking. Yo! Cheap date. Oh you dont want to go there. Imagine a nice dinner for two and the waiter brings in the menus and pours the water. Two glasses down and I cannot keep from slurring, forget about finishing dinner someone needs to drive me home!

I realised some thing was wrong when in the midst of a nasty argument with myself at a signal light, people on the bikes next to me started to inch away as inconspicuously as possible. They obviously didnt want the psycho to get more agitated that she already is while talking to her imaginary pillion. So I have a loud conscience, atleast I do not feel good after doing something bad. But lets face it. Aside from my crushes on 60 year old men and talking to my bike and bag (Sharon is my newest addition, she is a chic denim bag). Ok so I inherited insanity.