Hey... who put that there?
When I was lying with my left cheek plastered to the road, praying that no bus decides to barrel down the bridge while I am stuck under my poor bike, my appreciation for my city's road ripened. After such an intimate and bruising experience with one of Chennai's busiest what else could you expect. First of all I am not such a road slut that I involve myself so completely with every lane and alley. Oh no! it takes a special effort on the road's part to induce my fall, usually I have been a sucker for golden sands strewn carelessly along the turns but this time it was different.
After a delightful birthday party and tonnes of chocolate cake warming my belly I was driving up Chetpet bridge, marvelling at how beautiful the moon looked and the lights glittered and so forth. Suddenly the car in front me gave an ugly lurch and bumped its way but not before I found myself on collision course with a large yellow median rock. A girl can never resist such a surprise so there I was sprawled across the road almost kissing it. How a median rock found it's way to the middle of road is yet open for debate but while my bike didn't fare so well after that incident I have jumped right back from this experience, fit to engage in some more.
The road officials in Chennai are a keen and adventurous lot. At every meeting they crease their brows in pursuit of more ideas to liven up the driving experience for their beloved motorists. They synchronise their road laying with the busiest times of the day so that harried office goers have the time to sit on their vehicles and peacefully ponder about life's happenings. What better time to smell the roses eh? Or in this case the noxious fumes of burning rubber tyres which are used to heat the tar. After they have succefully laid a road, they immediately call the telephone and water department informing them that an even road awaits their attention. So these fellows come barreling down and dig the whole place up so that the office goers are now reaching for their phones and informing home that they will be late or even absent for dinner. After the different departments have done their job and turned the once boringly even road into a challenging mud racing pit, the real fun begins.
Scooterists and cyclists together weave through the ups and downs of the roads without getting run over by the cars and buses. Sometimes a water lorry jerks epiliptically under the weight of a thousand gallons of water while making its way through the roads trying not to kill more than the usual number of pedestrians and cyclists. Its nature's law of survival of the fittest being put to good use on roads. The road officials have also planted man holes exactly in the middle of the roads so that driver's minds stay sharp and focussed on the bumps and ditches ahead. Now and then they rub their palms together maliciously and make big roads into one ways and tiny lanes into two way streets. ' Now lets see how they fare' is what they are thinking. The scene is similar to white coated scientists benevolently looking down on a tortuous maze filled with white mice. Here the mice have three days to find the cheese without getting electrocuted, drowned or chopped bythe obstacles kept in their path.
Once the bumps and ditches have tested your vehicle's suspensions, the brake inspectors are sent in. To keep the drivers on their toes, the city for the most part is devoid of pedestrian crossing lights. Jay walkers are welcomed into speeding traffic like Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. If indecisive pedestrians doing the mambo in front of your vehicle doesn't do the trick, nervous cats, sleepy cows and adrenaline driven dogs roam the city streets keeping a careful look out for complacent drivers or those that look like they are driving on auto pilot. Nothing like a sudden bovine presence in front of your car to jolt you back to the cardiologist. The road officials are still working on innovative methods to check driver's stability of mind and emotion. Perhaps they should consider involving overhead missile attacks but budgetary concerns are high. For now it is more financially viable to remove streetlights from most streets so that the motorist can only guess and work his imaginative juices on what lies ahead of him.
Driving in Chennai is smilar to trekking through rugged scenery, where else would you glimpse deep or shallow placid ponds and green shrubbery in the middle of the road broken now and then by dancing pedestrians and sleepy cows who thoughfully check your brakes every now and then. This city is for the thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. Faint hearted and sweaty palmed get a driver.